I have been feeling very weird for a few days, really. I don't know why and where such emotions came from. Just know that I am very un-me these days. But as usual, I acted my normal self in front of everyone, so no one should be able to tell what I am thinking or feeling deep inside. Absolutely no one. I don't believe anybody knows me well enough to be able to detect. I only have You who can read me like a book.
This is a hectic week, lab sessions, online assignments, meet-ups, games, tutorials, lectures and many more which I cannot afford to ransack my memory to list down one by one. Or rather, my brain space's been quite filled, by people and things. Sometimes I really wonder if they are wasting the precious memory I have. If they are, I am not going to remove them, instead, I want to make them more worthy to stay in here. At the moment, these stuff are just getting in my head, I will ensure they don't self-upgrade and reach the heart. You will help me, wont You?
My timetable is more or less settled and I am really proud to hear Wenxian praise that I am such a good time-table planner. Cheers for myself and You.
Math tutor is Alexander Shapeev again. I won't let him down again, I promise since he gave me such a wide Cheshire smile when I saw him today. And I saw Yang Fei at business canteen today too, to think he still remembers my face.
Really looking forward to Chinese New Year next week. Not so much of the relatives visiting or the nagging and rambling of those Aunties and Uncles, but more of Vanessa's mahjong and movie outing on Saturday. How thrilling and I must say very hospitable of her to ask so many people along!
Lack of sleep is catching up on me. I feel like slapping myself awake because I don't believe in caffeine therapy.
I found some other's blog who also randomly posted in Chinese but mostly in English. I want to improve my proficiency in English. You will help me.
Of weird emotions and sentiments. It's time to replace your antenna if you still cannot detect anything.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Good, You're Still Secluded
No one's gonna stumble upon here, so I can write all I like here. But guess what, I shan't today because I really have to catch up on some school work.
Tutorials piling aside, I have thoroughly cleaned my room and hopefully the lizard's gone by now.
OK, done saying my piece.
Good, you're still secluded.
Tutorials piling aside, I have thoroughly cleaned my room and hopefully the lizard's gone by now.
OK, done saying my piece.
Good, you're still secluded.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Stop Playing The Fool
This week of staying in PGP is a total wreakage to the plans I had before. Just yesterday, I was using my laptop in lecture to not only swap tutorial slots, but also to play! How easily distracted I am! I made a promise to myself, I wanted to take a step forward and move out of where I was. However, it does seem that I am a super duper big liar and cannot help but make empty promises. What a rascal! I am going to pay myself back for all I have done yesterday.
Actually not all done yesterday was fruitless, there was this birthday celebration for Weijia at NYDC which was most fun. Weijia made all the girls wear skirts and as expected, I wore jeans as I DON'T own any skirt of any sort, unless you count my NAS and TJ school skirts both of which I do not have on campus. By the way, Jeremy Gan and Weijia share the same birthday, 24 January, just that the latter is a year younger. I shall remember that Aquarius babies.
What happened after that was disastrous, back to PGP to play card games and guess it, till 2.30 am! How did I even manage to do that? I must have been crazy. We should have stopped playing when Sean and Kai Hee left at 12.00 am. I reckon playfulness got the better of us and we, U Fong, Wenxian, Hui Fang and I, stretched eyelids till 2.30 am in U Fong's room in Block 22. I seriously think I wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Hui Fang bunked in yesterday or rather, this morning. And later I am going for "I'm The Boss" game outing at 12 noon. I suppose I won't be getting any sleep in between so wish me luck for the 4 pm's MLE lecture. I am so going to shake the lecturer's accent into a lullaby and rock into deep slumber the moment he opens his mouth.
I hate to say this so I am not going to say it. At least not here.
Stop playing the fool, lest I'll really be one.
Actually not all done yesterday was fruitless, there was this birthday celebration for Weijia at NYDC which was most fun. Weijia made all the girls wear skirts and as expected, I wore jeans as I DON'T own any skirt of any sort, unless you count my NAS and TJ school skirts both of which I do not have on campus. By the way, Jeremy Gan and Weijia share the same birthday, 24 January, just that the latter is a year younger. I shall remember that Aquarius babies.
What happened after that was disastrous, back to PGP to play card games and guess it, till 2.30 am! How did I even manage to do that? I must have been crazy. We should have stopped playing when Sean and Kai Hee left at 12.00 am. I reckon playfulness got the better of us and we, U Fong, Wenxian, Hui Fang and I, stretched eyelids till 2.30 am in U Fong's room in Block 22. I seriously think I wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Hui Fang bunked in yesterday or rather, this morning. And later I am going for "I'm The Boss" game outing at 12 noon. I suppose I won't be getting any sleep in between so wish me luck for the 4 pm's MLE lecture. I am so going to shake the lecturer's accent into a lullaby and rock into deep slumber the moment he opens his mouth.
I hate to say this so I am not going to say it. At least not here.
Stop playing the fool, lest I'll really be one.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
祝福
如果是我想要的东西, 我就一定能得到. 如果是不属于我的东西, 无论我怎样强求, 都肯定得不到.
最近有人传来一则e-mail, 说我中了一个MP3播放机. 一开始是半信半疑, 接下来便是欣喜若狂. 老天从来到没有如此款待我过, 这次应该算是把19年来的亏待一笔勾销了. 可是, 要领这份厚礼, 还并不是件容易的事. 因为一些很白痴, 很不可思议, 很无可理喻的理由, 我得大费周章, 绕了一大圈. 现在, MP3的生死还未卜. 希望能够顺利领到. 我并不需要这玩意儿, 是要给妹妹的. 只是认为难得能够在这么多人中被抽中, 真的很难得, 所以不想最后什么也没有.
开学的第二个星期, 一切还好. 只是有时魂不守舍, 在上课时, 脑子不知道飘到那里去.
为什么我不知不觉地在改变自己? 我一定要声明, 我改变是自己的决定, 是为自己好, 是自己为自己做的一点小事, 不受任何人的影响.
祝我领奖成功也祝我改变成功吧!
最近有人传来一则e-mail, 说我中了一个MP3播放机. 一开始是半信半疑, 接下来便是欣喜若狂. 老天从来到没有如此款待我过, 这次应该算是把19年来的亏待一笔勾销了. 可是, 要领这份厚礼, 还并不是件容易的事. 因为一些很白痴, 很不可思议, 很无可理喻的理由, 我得大费周章, 绕了一大圈. 现在, MP3的生死还未卜. 希望能够顺利领到. 我并不需要这玩意儿, 是要给妹妹的. 只是认为难得能够在这么多人中被抽中, 真的很难得, 所以不想最后什么也没有.
开学的第二个星期, 一切还好. 只是有时魂不守舍, 在上课时, 脑子不知道飘到那里去.
为什么我不知不觉地在改变自己? 我一定要声明, 我改变是自己的决定, 是为自己好, 是自己为自己做的一点小事, 不受任何人的影响.
祝我领奖成功也祝我改变成功吧!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
改变自己
已经有好一段时间没有用中文了. 现在正是时候用中文了, 以好让一些不懂的中文的人剩下一些阅读这篇部落格的时间.
昨天在Party World 的经验可说是从来都没有体验过的, 的确太好玩了! 从一开始的推三阻四，到最后的争先恐后, 还真得蛮刺激的. 唱歌的勇气我有, 也不知道是从哪里来的，就是能自然而然地, 很从容地唱. 唱歌的自信我也有, 更不知道是从哪里获得的, 就是可以好像展现与生俱来的本能一样地, 不慌不忙地大展歌喉.要是能把这样的勇气和自信能放在平常生活中那该有多好.
要是在我的学习生涯中也如此的突出, 如此的凸现, 那该有多棒. 只可惜, 要等到那一天的到来, 似乎要比想象中的要久.
要我改变自己, 谈何容易. 要我立下新年新目标, 也并非简单的事. 大家越要我做的事, 我越不想去做. 反而, 要让我自己发现得开始做某件事, 我还比较有可能去完成它. 当下的我, 只不过是个19岁的女孩, 我的思想还处于幼稚自私的地带, 所以跟我说大道理, 好像也只是对牛弹琴, 浪费唇舌的事. 我已经很习惯现在很悠哉, 很写意的生活, 所以不想改变什么. 要是把理由说出来又显得很懒惰, 很孩子气, 很不懂得分轻重一样. 更何况, 是因为有人叫我改变, 我就改变, 岂不是很没主见吗? 但是话说回来, 我要再不改变自己的幼稚想法, 很快就会变成老顽固.
一个谎言会铸成另外一个更大的谎言. 我已经领悟到了, 这个天大事实的真谛. 而我撒谎不眨眼的功夫还挺了得的. 每天都得撒谎, 每天都得用善意的谎言掩盖龌龊的事实.
叛逆的我还在, 不听话的我也还在. 能不能接受这样的我,全权由你决定. 没有人能改变我, 除非你并没有要改变我的意图.
昨天在Party World 的经验可说是从来都没有体验过的, 的确太好玩了! 从一开始的推三阻四，到最后的争先恐后, 还真得蛮刺激的. 唱歌的勇气我有, 也不知道是从哪里来的，就是能自然而然地, 很从容地唱. 唱歌的自信我也有, 更不知道是从哪里获得的, 就是可以好像展现与生俱来的本能一样地, 不慌不忙地大展歌喉.要是能把这样的勇气和自信能放在平常生活中那该有多好.
要是在我的学习生涯中也如此的突出, 如此的凸现, 那该有多棒. 只可惜, 要等到那一天的到来, 似乎要比想象中的要久.
要我改变自己, 谈何容易. 要我立下新年新目标, 也并非简单的事. 大家越要我做的事, 我越不想去做. 反而, 要让我自己发现得开始做某件事, 我还比较有可能去完成它. 当下的我, 只不过是个19岁的女孩, 我的思想还处于幼稚自私的地带, 所以跟我说大道理, 好像也只是对牛弹琴, 浪费唇舌的事. 我已经很习惯现在很悠哉, 很写意的生活, 所以不想改变什么. 要是把理由说出来又显得很懒惰, 很孩子气, 很不懂得分轻重一样. 更何况, 是因为有人叫我改变, 我就改变, 岂不是很没主见吗? 但是话说回来, 我要再不改变自己的幼稚想法, 很快就会变成老顽固.
一个谎言会铸成另外一个更大的谎言. 我已经领悟到了, 这个天大事实的真谛. 而我撒谎不眨眼的功夫还挺了得的. 每天都得撒谎, 每天都得用善意的谎言掩盖龌龊的事实.
叛逆的我还在, 不听话的我也还在. 能不能接受这样的我,全权由你决定. 没有人能改变我, 除非你并没有要改变我的意图.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Useless Me Got Bullied By A Trolley
Ouch, my toe! I cannot even pull a trolley properly! I was accompanying Mummy to NTUC to do some marketing and was happily pulling the food trolley behind me. And then, without warning, that trolley decided that I have too much blood and wanted to help me shed some. It crashed into the big toe of my right foot, how excruciating the pain was! Okay to be exact, it still is painful!
Now my toe's bandaged up in some weird oil and I reckon I must limp to Party World later. No more covered shoes for the time being, stick with slippers and sandles. Thank goodness my business etiquette training which calls for court shoes doesn't start so soon, lest I will be crying my toe out.
Party world later at 5 pm all the way till 9 pm. I haven't been to any song-singing place so I guess I shall be having lots of fun later. Besides, we are going to play I'm The Boss too. I am so going to gang up and own the rest.
Tomorrow's CSC Day and I don't really have a very clear idea of what I am supposed to do as a group leader. The last time during Shrek Camp, I was supposedly the group leader but I realised that I shirked much of the responsibilities and made Wei Chuan and Benny do quite a great deal of the job. I don't know how to be a group leader! I wasn't taught! Now this time, I see that I am the sole group leader, how scary! I guess I am on my own now, going solo. I wish my toe hadn't failed me at this crucial point in time.
Get well soon toe! Then we'll go kick that trolley!
Now my toe's bandaged up in some weird oil and I reckon I must limp to Party World later. No more covered shoes for the time being, stick with slippers and sandles. Thank goodness my business etiquette training which calls for court shoes doesn't start so soon, lest I will be crying my toe out.
Party world later at 5 pm all the way till 9 pm. I haven't been to any song-singing place so I guess I shall be having lots of fun later. Besides, we are going to play I'm The Boss too. I am so going to gang up and own the rest.
Tomorrow's CSC Day and I don't really have a very clear idea of what I am supposed to do as a group leader. The last time during Shrek Camp, I was supposedly the group leader but I realised that I shirked much of the responsibilities and made Wei Chuan and Benny do quite a great deal of the job. I don't know how to be a group leader! I wasn't taught! Now this time, I see that I am the sole group leader, how scary! I guess I am on my own now, going solo. I wish my toe hadn't failed me at this crucial point in time.
Get well soon toe! Then we'll go kick that trolley!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
My Apologies
Feeling so upset and down all of a sudden. I guess it's because of the things I've heard from Raj. Not so much of what is going to happen but rather, what has become of me.
I still vividly remember Mr Wong's impression of me. I can clearly recall what he said. I really do. But I indeed let him down by a whole load. I made myself a bad choice, I destroyed my own image, I am a total jerk in some sense.
His expectations of me weren't unreasonable, in fact they were justified. The most I could do to make it seem as if he hasn't made a wrong choice was to perform up to standard but I did not. On the contary, I did just the opposite. I am more than sure, he is very disappointed in me.
I thought I have recovered from the extremely depressed state I was in but I haven't. I thought I am more determined after the tragedy but I am not. I thought too highly of myself from the beginning. I should not have assumed too much. Brains are not to be depended on, especially if I don't do enough on my own to supplement.
Denis is in severe depression and so am I. "Prick me, do I not bleed like a mortal?" I am reminded of my nightmare as well as the nightmare I gave others. How badly I have hurt people, more than one person and more than once. I am a perfect thud.
A fresh me tomorrow, afresh.
Remorse and guilt. Apologies. Leave me by tonight. I so beg.
I still vividly remember Mr Wong's impression of me. I can clearly recall what he said. I really do. But I indeed let him down by a whole load. I made myself a bad choice, I destroyed my own image, I am a total jerk in some sense.
His expectations of me weren't unreasonable, in fact they were justified. The most I could do to make it seem as if he hasn't made a wrong choice was to perform up to standard but I did not. On the contary, I did just the opposite. I am more than sure, he is very disappointed in me.
I thought I have recovered from the extremely depressed state I was in but I haven't. I thought I am more determined after the tragedy but I am not. I thought too highly of myself from the beginning. I should not have assumed too much. Brains are not to be depended on, especially if I don't do enough on my own to supplement.
Denis is in severe depression and so am I. "Prick me, do I not bleed like a mortal?" I am reminded of my nightmare as well as the nightmare I gave others. How badly I have hurt people, more than one person and more than once. I am a perfect thud.
A fresh me tomorrow, afresh.
Remorse and guilt. Apologies. Leave me by tonight. I so beg.
Pachyderm Says Thank You
I am a pachyderm and I admit that. Not everyone can be one so I should be really grateful I inherited my parents' genes in this aspect.
Many thanks to Jie Hui, Gregory, Wenxian, Jason and Hui Fang who some helped my shift my stuff over from Sheares to PGP and who one offered her help unselfishly. I am truely glad to be surrounded by helpful friends.
Many thanks to Sean too who sent me to Paya Lebar MRT just now so that I can reach home this early.
My life isn't exactly complete without benefactors. It certainly isn't complete without friends and more accurately friends with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Please pardon, pragmatic me is creeping up again. I must seal this blog before they discover this. But sincerely, I can feel the friendship brewing, how nice all of them are.
Once again, even though all of you may not see this, Pachyderm Says Thank You.
Many thanks to Jie Hui, Gregory, Wenxian, Jason and Hui Fang who some helped my shift my stuff over from Sheares to PGP and who one offered her help unselfishly. I am truely glad to be surrounded by helpful friends.
Many thanks to Sean too who sent me to Paya Lebar MRT just now so that I can reach home this early.
My life isn't exactly complete without benefactors. It certainly isn't complete without friends and more accurately friends with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Please pardon, pragmatic me is creeping up again. I must seal this blog before they discover this. But sincerely, I can feel the friendship brewing, how nice all of them are.
Once again, even though all of you may not see this, Pachyderm Says Thank You.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
What I Did Without School
I just saw something that really spoilt my day. It is really an unfair allocation but I guess I don't have a choice but to accept it. It, in fact, is horrid. Horrid.
Apart from that, my day was peaceful and to a large extent, nice and pretty till a moment ago. I enjoy going to IKEA for breakfast and GIANT after that to look at random stuff. Discovering that there wasn't anything to get for my two cousins because they were of some hard-to-get-gift ages, Mummy and I decided maybe we should try Popular. Besides, I needed to get something for Deborah. Popular proved a much better place to get presents for these January babies. And I saw a potential present for John. Even though his birthday is not coming anytime soon, it is always better to plan ahead, isn't it?
Simply love buying things with a goal in mind. Shopping isn't exactly my cup of tea. All the hassle and haggle. All the "Should I get this or that?". All the looking and eventually not buying. My holy, how different I am from other girls but it is not as if I care.
"If one thing is to know, the other is to work on it."
One of the quotes sent through MSN. I am the way I am, take it or leave it. Unlikely to change unless something drastic happens to me.
My reply, "I am happy with the screwed/warped character I have now."
That's why I did all the above on a day I skipped school.
Apart from that, my day was peaceful and to a large extent, nice and pretty till a moment ago. I enjoy going to IKEA for breakfast and GIANT after that to look at random stuff. Discovering that there wasn't anything to get for my two cousins because they were of some hard-to-get-gift ages, Mummy and I decided maybe we should try Popular. Besides, I needed to get something for Deborah. Popular proved a much better place to get presents for these January babies. And I saw a potential present for John. Even though his birthday is not coming anytime soon, it is always better to plan ahead, isn't it?
Simply love buying things with a goal in mind. Shopping isn't exactly my cup of tea. All the hassle and haggle. All the "Should I get this or that?". All the looking and eventually not buying. My holy, how different I am from other girls but it is not as if I care.
"If one thing is to know, the other is to work on it."
One of the quotes sent through MSN. I am the way I am, take it or leave it. Unlikely to change unless something drastic happens to me.
My reply, "I am happy with the screwed/warped character I have now."
That's why I did all the above on a day I skipped school.
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