Similarities and Differences

Different people have different reactions and responses to the same situation. Same people have different behaviour in different circumstances. Whatever and anything, I have different opinions on different people who exhibit the same behaviour under the same conditions. The only reason is because these people are different and should rightly be treated differently.

I certainly hope no one's been stalking here. If anyone is, please leave a comment to say you've stalked.

School reopening in two days. Am I prepared? Maybe not. I will take all last opportunities to enjoy the last bit of fun I can have. Subsequently, what may become of me, I daren't imagine. But the outcome must definitely be better than last semester, lest I might really go into some depression or state of self-denial.

Transformer chalet at Sentosa. Quite a success I would say considering the short notice and overwhelming response. Nice job done there. This is the time to see who's nice and who's not, whose character is passable and whose character is like crap. Saw and concluded.

The lack of sleep is creeping up on me. Sleep in peace, You.

Move!

I wonder why I made such a choice. Let it be a last enjoyment before I start the horrid school days again. Let it be a final retreat before a series of nightmares and trouble arise again.

These days, I realise I am wavering about here and there. Here and there. Where exactly do I stand, where in fact am I and where really do I want myeslf to be? It's not a simple matter of here or there. There's this place in between and that's where I am now. If all along I was here, I am actually glad I have shifted and to some extent, to somewhere near there.

Had this incredibly horrendous dream about myself not being able to wake up again. Actually, I was amused myself that when I realised I could not wake up in the dream, I was worrying that I would miss the C++ bridging lecture later. Subconsciously, they have gotten me, both the spanking e-mail and the Howler.

I shall move on from in between to there. I must prove myself this semester. I hope I did not take too long to realise I must move on. Wish me luck.

I Motivate You And Vice Versa

C++ bridging course, it's raping my holidays. But since I have been attending the lab sessions and lectures, might as well let it continue all the way. I seriously hope they are of use, so please make them be. Lest I would be doing an injustice to myself this holidays.

Received a howler. Scary. I really want that to be the first and last howler.

I have been omitting codes these days so here are two.
"I promise myself that will be the last B I will see."
"2008 will definitely be better when I get my CAP 5.0."

What determinedness and perserverance. I want that mindset too, I want that thinking too, I want to be like that too. I think I can. If Denis can, so can I.

I am ready to fight this battle, I am ready to live up to my name, I am ready to keep myself up to the mark, I am ready to game. So must You.

New

I am Sayid-ing these days. Don't ask me what that means because it only shows what a non-LOST fan you are.

School is going to restart soon, I seriously think it will be hell but I have faith in You and I that we will pull through this tough and trying period. In fact, school has already started, the C++ bridging course. It has shown me I can do much more than what I have done previous semester. Now, with the brand new, ok let me use this phrase because it's so cliche, spanking new You and I, together we pave into the new school life.

I am living my life now without Facebook and it really isn't hard. I should have done that long ago. I would have be able to stand life, it was a total fiasco for me I would say. However, if things are going to be directed this way, I am facing it. So now, I have changed my ways. To date and time, 3 people have told me they realised my account's deativated. I am wondering if more will come to know. Whatever's the case, nothing will make me turn back until I am back on the game.

Wish me luck and wits for the upcoming semester, You.

How many sides are there to me?

Seriously, how many sides are there to me? Two, I thought, You and I. Then, I realised, more.

Towards different people, towards different behaviour, towards different objects and things, there are in fact numerous faces of me. They are all me and to some extent, combinations of You and I. I may not have understood why I behaved or reacted that way, neither will I ever get to retract my words or actions. By impulse and nature, I worked things out that way.

I am so multiple-surfaced people have seen and come to conclude that I have different personalities under different circumstances. Demeanours that would not have befitted the character they have thought I am, the way of speech that is so odd it doesn't seem to come out of my mouth, actions that are so outrageous that certainly aren't part of me. And yet, they all came and went. So, honestly, there are so many sides to me that I am personally getting surprised too. How interesting I have made myself to be.

You and I generate loads and loads of sides to me.

Detachment and Fusion

I want to get sick of it, be it Facebook (or so-called Hai Ren Jing by Lam Lam) or blogging here. I must get sick of the things that I enjoy doing, so that I can go full-steam when term starts. Trust and faith in You and I will pull us through.

And also, realised that asking questions is not too hard a thing to do, even if the question is stupid in nature. However, should one have asked an intelligent question, it in fact sheds good light on oneself. I like that part of asking questions so I am going to try to work harder asking smart and intellectual questions. Back me up, I need some courage from You.

I know some people cannot accept how others behave and carry themselves, personally me too. So don't get overboard and step on my toes, it really doesn't pay. If I have irritated you, my bad then, I did not realise that but you getting back on my nerves, I mean a vicious cycle will start, you won't like that, will you? Generally refering to any you but not You.

I shall refer to You as You so You should know if I am talking about You. Recognise that I capitalise You, I worship You, hence, put all You can into me.

C++ bridging course. Keep the momentum there. I shan't try writing anything here, the indentation won't work but really, seriously, keep me there.

The infusion of You in me. Together we make a difference.

Running Away

I know I am quite lame, reading Last Term at Malory Towers, at the age of 19 but I cannot help but relate to the content of it. Running away is one of the more prominent themes in this book.

"Running away from things is never any good. You can't run away from difficulties. You only take them with you. Running away never gets us anywhere."

How very true and how we all know this basic facet of life but at the same time, how we are all running away from what is right in front of us. I honestly cannot deny that I have been trying to escape from reality, by whatever means there are. It is sort of a reflex action for me, I wonder if it is a reflex action for most others as well. I reckon so especially if one has been hit severely with a humongous wave resulting in a great dip in esteem and confidence.

I have come to realise that running away is not the way to ressolve problems but it doesn't mean that I will not run away in face of difficulties. There is this transition between understanding and practising it. It will be hard to practise what is preached but I will try.

You and I, will attempt not to run away from each other any more because You and I need each other to complete the picture. Let's try.

In Conflict With You

"I will like to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ too but imagine the agony and pain my family has to go through after that."

I could not help but admit there is this vast difference in maturity between Luke and I. Here I am being so childishly stupid thinking that that is the best way to solve all the problems in life and there he is, unveiling the truth behind my foolish comtemplations.

That's just how different a Year 3 thinks. I wonder when I can achieve such a sound mind, one that can put me through nice brain activity, one that can propel me forward when things do not sail my way, one that is well-developed enough to keep my woes and sorrows, joy and happiness in. Seriously, I do not wish for it to come too late, neither do I wish for it to come now. I still want to have some childish fun, I still want to give myself some time to play the fool, I still want to be a little of myself even if it means a tinny winny bit of the original me.

Don't push me too front forward but don't pull me back too much as well. I am in conflict with You.

You

A new year and I certainly hope it marks a new beginning for me.

I cannot stomach the setback I experienced last year which is, sad to say, just a few days ago. However, I will swallow it no matter how. I am on my way to recovery, I am recuperating, I am. I trust myself to return the old me to me. I want to return to where I came from and I believe I can. All I need is strength, not from anybody else, but from You. You will guide me to the correct path, won't you? I place complete faith in you, so please do not disappoint me further.

I have never made New Year resolutions as I know I will not fulfil them eventually, let alone declaring them in a blog and reviewing them after a year. Therefore, I shall not make an exception this year. So long as I know what I want and need in mind and constantly remind myself of it, I do not need an explicit, tangible alarm. All these fall on the basis that I have full confidence on You. I know the responsibility on You is great but all along You have not failed me, except just this once. It was not hard for me to re-put my trust in You because You are worth it, so I beseech you, do not betray me and my trust on you, do not.

Happy New Year to anyone who sees this, I believe no one will. This blog is as secluded as I am exposed. It is my only outlet to vent what is inside me. May it lie low for as long as it can.

You will be my Secret-Keeper. You.