How?

How I am dense and useless, absolutely too true.

How I cannot change the way I am, exasperating.

How I twist facts and distort truths, just as if I am right.

How I run away from the facts and truths of life, amazing.

How I attempt to patch the hole with bits and pieces of rag, ludicrous.

How I landed myself in this dire straits, so deserving of me.

How I pant just to catch some breath, pathetic.

How I like the world to end, anticipative.

How I lie, unforgiveable.

All of a sudden, I don't know where to unleash all these negative emotions about me and my life so far. So many unpleasant things have occured and so fast that I was caught unawares. To be honest, I should have expected that things would turn out this way.

"Should have seen it coming, should have read the signs."

A different context but equally applicable quote of lyrics from Fool Again by Westlife. Please guide me in whatever is going to happen. I am very lost in this game, very helpless indeed. I seriously don't know how much I can do to make compensation for what has happened but I want to try. Please, for Heaven's sake, let me be very successful in my attempt or else I am afraid that will be the end of me.

"We *JC people are not born smart but we will work very hard to achieve what we want in life."

Denis' timely quote. Please all, continually remind me of my hapless situation and give me a push in the back. I need and deserve to be.