Leadership And Me

I don't think I am or have the material to make a good leader but by some ridiculous way or another, I am assuming the Chairperson position in Yishun Reading Stars. It's been a semester since I lead my committee of around 7 people and I am feeling my weakness creeping all over despite constant reassurances from my members.

A random personality test revealed that I have a D-I, direct(or dominant)-interactive(interpersonal) kind of character which sort of meant I am a person-leader should I ever hold any leadership position. A person-leader is one who feels that interpersonal relationships are the most important thing in teamwork. But yet, a direct or dominant leader is one who gives out work like a true leader whom everyone respects and follows.

I think I agree that the greatest pitfall in my leadership is a very weak ability to make decisions because I cannot accurately decipher the plus or minus points of different suggestions in a short time. In fact, even if more time were rendered, I would still want to consult the opinions of others. Because I think others have more expertise than me and I sort of feel a lack of confidence making a decision which may affect others without first asking their opinions. Should the decision be not of their concern, I would still like to seek their views on the matter. Due to some reason or another, I just need some reassurance for a decision made. Yes, I feel very insecure.

Another problem with my leadership is public speaking. It's not easy and I've been trying so hard every Friday. It is not a matter of the words to use, not a matter of language but an issue of the facial expression to give. After a long day in school, I still have to put on a smile and continue to act as if I am forever jovial being the Chairperson of this sub-committee. I don't know if the people out there can feel that I am tired and my smile is not-so-real after all. I cannot help it if they feel that way, I admit I am not up to the job and it just isn't my style to act.

Yes, I am glad to be able to lead this very efficient team of mine. I am very heartened to hear many reassurances about my form of leadership. I do not assert much. I do not direct much. I give many others a chance to speak and do things their way and this is how I lead my committee. If they have the potential to rise in certain niche areas, go ahead and surpass me. If they can do something better than me, do so and let me be proud as your leader. I will not disappear under the dimmer light should I stand beside a more outstanding member because I know teamwork isn't a one-man show. Groupwork is what drives projects around and I am happy enough to be able to lead.

I can be very sure my way of leadership is far from conventional, far from how others have led and far from a hardcore you-must-do-as-I-say kind of assertive leadership. I hope that through this Chairperson experience, people can see my effort and recognise that my way of leading isn't one of crap. Inspiring people with charisma and sincerity, if only I really achieve that as a leader.