Dynamics of Interpersonal Effectiveness

I felt the need to write this post because I don't seem to have friends who know the importance of interpersonal effectiveness. Or rather than condemning the whole pool of friends I have, I have at least one friend who doesn't know how essential interpersonal effectiveness is.

I shall start with friendship. Today, I just taught the kids in Yishun Reading Stars how to make friends. Beyond there and that, I believe the maintaining of friendships is a vital art for every one of us to learn as well. First and foremost, friends are not just there for you to rely on and make use of as and when you like. Friends are there because they feel you are worthy of their friendship. Friends do not just look for each other when they need help. Friends offer their help on the ball.

The philosophy of making friends is simple. Buddha sees all beings as equals. And friends should see one another as equals as well. There should be no discrimination between any differences. The art of maintaining friendships may be harder to comprehend. Buddha advocates treating every being with compassion and benevolence. And friends should treat one another with due respect.

All these stem basically from the kind of personality and upbringing one has. If one is never taught the way to handle friendships, I hope one can take some lessons away from this post. Never treat others like dirt because one will never know, there might come a day when one will need others' help. Take some time off one's busy schedule and talk to one's friends. If one has to wait till one have an agenda to look for a friend, one is probably a very terrible friend. Everyone is busy. Everyone has his or her own life and commitments in and outside school to attend to. But if some people can take time to say 'Hello, how are you?', should not one try as well?

We're all busy people with hectic schedules and deadlines. But at least for me, I do not talk to people only when I have an agenda. Because I know, for friendships to sustain more than I want it to be, I have to put in some effort. And I am glad, that at 19 years old, I think I might be enlightened by Buddha with regards to interpersonal effectiveness. Yes, Buddhism is about the way of life and how one carries oneself and treat others.

Put yourself in others' shoes, would you want your friends to only come to you when they need help? Or would you want your friends to be there whenever you want them to be? If you expect some things from your friends, be sure to do the same for them as well.